An Endless Love - Not A Scarifice
The end of self-doubt and self-worth, I know who I am!
Maybe I was seven or ten years old when I watched a TV programme that helped me make a decision, loud and proud in my mind. "I'll always be there for Mum and Dad; I will always take care of them."
In the TV programme, they showed the cyclical nature of life, that children care for their parents as they get older.
Word of warning: don't use the words 'I will take care of you' in front of your parents as they age. Remember, they were young once, had a job, raised a family and did loads of stuff. They are not 'useless' or need care just because they have aged and are a bit slower or because health has impacted them. Put yourself in their shoes, and if someone says to you,”'I'll take care of you", and you are fiercely independent, what would you feel?
Remember, everyone will age differently, and health will be different. However, no one parent should be deemed weak if age or health lets them down.
As children, we don't ask about their life story, what mischief they got up when they went to school, what their bosses were like, what their dreams were, etc. If we did, we would never make the wrong assumptions about our ageing parents.
Another mistake we make as kids is thinking we will never grow old and that our parents will be here forever. We create da picture of our parents in our minds when we were young, naive, and inexperienced - that picture could be 'seriously' wrong!
My father passed away thirty-plus years ago. Before he passed, he asked me, "Who will look after her?".
I told him, you are not going anywhere, and of course, I will look after her.
Did mum need looking after? No, she needed company, moral and physical support, love and someone to talk to.
In 2012, Mum had a heart attack, and since then, she has had continued heart issues.
Mum had a triple bypass, and it was a shock to her and me. It was about three months of operations, and we are slowly recovering. At the time I was in between jobs. That is when I heard the first comment, "What about your life, your independence?".
Then, two weeks later, another friend says the same thing.
Well, these two had been speaking about me. I held them in high regard while volunteering with them and learning from them. I had been pushing myself out of my comfort zone, confidence issues and other stuff, and these two friends were part of my growth journey for the past two or three years.
Of course, I was humble, kind, and non-confrontational, and I like to think mature and diplomatic, so I stayed quiet.
When the first person said it, my mind and heart immediately and clearly knew who I was, what I stood for, and what mattered to me. In that second, I moved away from having confidence issues and looking up to this person with doe-eyes. It stopped with a loud BANG! I knew who I was and that this person would not understand it, that they were in a different place from where I was.
In one second, with a loud BANG, the nonsense of self-doubt, low confidence and low self-esteem STOPPED. My mind was clear of clutter, and I was internally strong.
Two weeks later, it repeated with the other person. I was doubly clear: this is me, and I am as good as I am.
From then on, I no longer think of myself as weak, less than them, and I know with all my heart that I am doing the right thing for Mum and me. I am being authentically me, and no one gets it, and I don't care.
Today, I stand loud and proud, being there for the one who gave me birth, who is my best friend in the world, who still knows more than me, who still works hard at making me a better person, and who has always taken care of me and still does.
I just happen to give her a bit more support. But, it is my honour, and I am living the declaration I made many years ago as a seven or ten-year-old. I live my truth whether others agree with it or not. It's my life!
© 2025 Bella of Thoughtsnlifeblog
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Your life, your truth, absolutely, Bella! I often think so much of life is about finding and knowing yourself. I like how, in your essay, you emphasise keeping a personal promise, which I believe strengthens our virtuous circle of confidence and trust.
This was such a beautiful read! We often hear that love is about sacrifice, but your words shift that perspective in such a meaningful way. True love isn’t about losing ourselves, it’s about showing up with care and effort while still feeling whole.