Coffee, Cake and Clarity
How one conversation brought justice, insight, and the courage to continue healing.
I recently had a lunch appointment with the coach I saw for almost three years, ending our sessions in December 2023. Although I’m no longer her client, she still seems to keep tabs on me — but we’ve also become friends.
It was when she checked in with me again because of the surgery I had in January 2025 that I told her my mind was spinning with learning about my parents’ betrayal. She said she would love to hear of it when I am ready to share.
Two weeks later, I sent her this article:
The following day, she sent me a brief email in answer to mine, and asked if I could meet her three days later. Bless her! Deep down, I know that just like the last time I saw her, this will feel like another coaching session. It’s just so much part of her personality to help people.
She dove right in, immediately starting (and coming back to) what I’d sent her to read. Things we spoke about:
Discovering the lies wasn’t just painful — it was justice. I had the right to know.
Not only I but also my brother can now stake the claim of where we belong, now we know the full story.
What I have learned has rewritten part of my life history, because I now hold it against a different background than before.
Can I still love my parents with this new knowledge? My answer: yes, I can.
I shared some of the trauma both my parents lived with, and how they were emotionally unavailable to us, and of a generation which would never seek psychological help. That I can understand how their inability to deal with their personal trauma, as well as the shared trauma of an unhappy marriage where both of them felt incapable of stepping out, made them feel helpless to right the wrong they’d done.
Not being able to recall day-tot-day details about my youth, but only the major things, probably points to dissociation. This is something I want to explore deeper.
I will take the time and space to work through this, and am thankful that I’m not constantly mulling all the sordid details around in my mind.
In between all the deep talking, we also had coffee and cake, and later, a light lunch. She also shared about a book she’d read, and how the things she has learned changed the way she looks at her marriage with her deceased husband.
We sat in the sun, hearing the chatter of people around us, and still I felt like it was just the two of us. Like we were in a bubble created by our thoughts. Like our feelings held their arms protectively around us.
Then, towards the end of our meeting, I sighed contently and my friend asked, her coach hat still firmly on her head: “What’s the next step for you?”
During our coaching sessions, those were the questions I battled with, wanting to give the ‘right’ answer. However, I’ve learned there is no right answer to this; there’s only your answer.
I sat there, thinking for a while. Then my answer popped into my head. It was out of my mouth before I could edit it.
“I want to thank my inner child for being so strong for both of us, for having protected me from the pain. I want to take her hand, to take her with me and say: I see you.”
That was when the tears came.
I felt those words so deeply in my heart. What has that poor child inside me endured throughout our lives? How many times has she saved me, shielded me from the pain? In July 2021, when I had the first official session with the coach who is now my friend, I embarked on this journey of healing my inner child.
And it really is a journey. After having protected me for so many years, having carried our heavy burden for so long, she will not heal in but a few sessions. Because of my medical situation these past few months, I’ve taken a break, but it’s time to get back to doing the work.
My inner child needs to be acknowledged. She needs to be seen. The only way to truly see her — is to keep going.
I’m ready.
Also read this powerful essay by
The idea of that part of you which had protected you for so long finally being recognised was so moving! Goosebumps. Thank you for sharing, Marie!
I love how u have looked back at the young you and acknowledged how much she kept away from u as u faced other battles in life. Told so warmly that I can feel you moving positively forward <3