"Men don't cry" helps me discuss the betrayal that someone, or a series of societal circumstances, has led half the world's population, at least in the West, and perhaps in the East, to adopt a cliché. Men don't cry. It's a phrase that many of our ancestors have told us, or we have assumed they told us.
Men were forbidden to cry millennia ago; it could be the title of this dissertation. I don't know the anthropological reason, but when we were nomads, or when what we now call a civilized, sedentary population didn't exist, perhaps it was an element of survival. But today it isn't, and it is a cause of illness and suffering. And if we could do it, we could connect tears with the feeling of emptiness, of the meaninglessness of many things that happen to us. Digesting life's setbacks could improve.
As the years passed and I grew older, I thought that maturity would bring me security and peace with myself and the world. But a series of "events," loss of vision, exhaustion of my sense of purpose in life...How is it possible that detachment from material things leads to depression or is part of it?
That's what happened in my case. With a series of key triggers over the last three years. I was supposed to be gaining strength in the previous two decades. And that's how it has been. For I have faced and confronted everything my journey has encountered in the labyrinth that is life.
However, there were and are elements that have ended up derailing my balance from the very root. Here, the seeds of severe depression can appear. That's what happened. Although I try not to objectify myself in medical terminology. I've been with it for sixteen months. I have recovered twice. And twice I've relapsed. The night of the soul seems to truly exist. And I've stumbled upon it. Catabasis and anabasis are words that resonate within me, and I would now place them in this dissertation.
Unshed tears were part of my poetic mantra and frequently appeared in reflections and contemplative states. The theme of water abounds in many of my writings, often linked to emotions, which in turn are associated with happiness and unhappiness. To laughter and crying. To a state of plenitude and to a state of loss, meaninglessness, and pain.
There comes a time, however, when there is neither laughter nor crying. There is a profound apathy and disconnection from this world. This is when you approach a depressive state. You feel no grounding or reason to exist. Nothing motivates you. Without motivation, there is no desire to live. It is a dangerous state. That's why you must seek help if this state persists over time. In just a few weeks, the night of the soul can turn into absolute darkness.
In these cases, both a psychiatrist, choosing the proper medication, and follow-up with a psychologist are essential.
In reality, psychological therapy is based on your values, and life itself is a valuable asset. I sincerely believe this, and it's an absolute reality. That is when the soul enters the dark night; it disappears completely, because you somatize your lack of ties for a multitude of reasons. These reasons may have been brewing for decades. And having overcome many difficult trials doesn't seem to completely immunize you against them.
In my case, I can attribute my path to recovery largely to connecting with my artistic side. On not letting myself be carried away by the fatal attraction of bed. And on spending time with people. In my case, the library, ceramics, and painting workshops. Now, in August, only the library. And the movie theaters. Movies and the library have always been two anchors of profound pleasure for me. Spotify is always with me.
I realize that if I weren't alone, or didn't feel alone, this wouldn't have happened to me. Everyone plays the cards they're dealt and places their bets on life. Sometimes there's a stretch of desert you hadn't foreseen. This is what may have happened to me... along with a series of tediums from my work life (zero art and zero satisfaction for too many years).
You try to make healthy decisions, while others make choices that aren't. The balance has been maintained for an incredible length of time. But what fate has in store for us is inscrutable. It's as if I've suffered an accident that has broken me from the inside out. And without being exactly like that, you're left disarmed and without any logical reasons to continue.
Written: 04/08/2025
Photo tag: loneliness.
© Jesus Jordan Parra
Jesus, thank you for openly sharing. We need more conversations like this, sharing of our stories and openly challenging social norms that cause so much harm. I am glad you found a way of reconnecting through art.
This is so validating for anyone who has been or is currently going through similar struggles, Jesus. Thank you for challenging that tired cliché that "men don't cry."