Regrets

A Lament

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Photo by Blake Connally on Unsplash

Poetry | Depression | Sex | Loneliness

Sometimes, as we get late in life, we look back and see things we should have done or shouldn’t have done. Mistakes we made, or things we didn’t do enough of.

I learned too late in life to indulge in physical intimacy, not that I didn’t want it, but more due to a lack of understanding and finding a good partner.

But we’ve all heard the phrase, “Use it before you lose it.” Well, here I am. Lost it, without knowing some of life’s best pleasures.

The other day, I was thinking of what my greatest regret was. And this is it.

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Once
Just once
If but only one time
I could have
made love to
had sex with
fucked
someone
without
regrets
remorse
guilt
shame
critique
humiliation
I might have
enjoyed
the experience
rather than
thinking of it
as masturbation

If only I could have
felt someone
who enjoyed being felt
I would have enjoyed it

If only someone
enjoyed feeling me
for their enjoyment
I would have enjoyed it

If only I had seen some response
I wouldn’t have felt
alone
ashamed
lost
confused
helpless

I have read
heard
seen
others enjoying passion
but for me
I wish once
at least once
I felt

comfortable

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Thanks to

May More

for her friendship, understanding, and editorial knowledge for helping me to publish this poem.

Thanks also to

Diana C.

and

Know Thyself, Heal Thyself

, for allowing me to publish here.

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