The Depths of Forgiveness

“Father, please let me see people how you see them.”

A long time ago I chose to start the journey to forgive the person who had abused me in my childhood. It is a part of my healing process that God led me to and has been guiding me through.

Yet I had started to feel over time that something was still missing in my prayers. I just didn’t know what it was and I started to ask God what was I missing.

Then, I got the first part of His answer one day and it hit me like a brick.

The person who had abused me was also hurting in their own way. Most likely worse in some ways because they haven’t found God yet.

That was hard to stomach. To have to acknowledge that he also had feelings.

After I had time to accept and understand this new awareness, I continued in my prayers for him. Each time I lifted him up to God, I would ask God to descend upon him and wrap him in a hug so tight he couldn’t possibly ignore His presence.

I wanted God to open his eyes to the love, forgiveness, and peace that only He could bring him. A transformation that can only come from God.

Then, I got the second part of His answer and it also hit me like a brick.

“Father, please let me see people how you see them.” These were not my words; these were God’s words to me.

I had never prayed that before, or anything similar. That concept, to see him, and anyone else who had hurt me as God sees them was even harder at first to wrap my mind around.

But those words came through very clearly, and there was no ignoring that God was still answering my original question to Him about what I was missing on my journey of forgiveness.

It did take me longer to process this, but then something happened when I put both of His answers together and trusted Him with what He was showing me.

I felt a type of compassion for my abuser and all the people who hurt me over the years. A compassion for their soul.

It was me who was transformed.

This transformation in me probably makes no sense to some, is hard to fathom, and goes against our human nature. I truly do understand that and the difficulty of reading what I am writing about.

But I also understand that raw pain, the sorrow, and those broken pieces left behind by abuse and the need for peace. None of what I am sharing today is meant to minimize that or pretend that it doesn’t exist because it does.

The thought that our abusers have feelings and having a compassion for them, their soul (core worth as I call it) goes against everything within us. It’s a knee-jerk reaction.

But it is in line with what God teaches us.

However, this does not mean we are to employ the “forgive and forget” strategy that people like to push or let them back into our lives.

I was meant to learn these two lessons because I was ready and yet at the same time, I absolutely did not let anyone back into my life. This was meant for me and my healing and the peace that I needed. God would not have shown me these two things if He didn’t believe I was ready.

I want my abuser to feel the peace and the forgiveness that only God can bring them, the same peace and forgiveness He has given me because I too am a sinner.

I see him and all those who have hurt me now as people with core worth, He loves them just as much as He loves me, and I want them to be transformed by God. I may never know what will become of my prayers for each person, but I won’t give up on those prayers.

This next section is harder to hear.

The people who have hurt you are worthy of His salvation and Heaven. As much as we want to believe the opposite, there are no ranks, no pedestals, and no inequality in God’s eyes.

Your worth is the same as theirs in God’s eyes.

I will not bold that last part, because some reading this are still not there yet and struggling with what I am saying, and I don’t want to make this any harder.

Before anyone wonders and starts questioning my sanity.

None of this came quickly or easily for me. It took me many painful years to even get to the point of wanting to go through the process of forgiveness and then even more years going through that journey.

This is an intimate journey for each person, only you and God are what matters in your healing process. Some come to the stage of wanting to start that journey to forgive quicker than others, and there is no race to get to where I am now.

I am still human though.

With everything I just shared, I believe it is important to know there are still times when a memory can still throw me off balance and I also live in the same general area as my childhood abuser. It has happened where I have run into that person and they will attempt to approach me, but I do not allow it.

After I am away from them, I involuntarily react. Mentally, I get thrown back into my past and relive years of abuse, this is built into our bodies now, and usually, I end up sick to my stomach or vomiting.

But it is far easier to recover from that than ever before.

Even with that reaction, I am still able to see him as a person who needs a transformation that only God can bring him. I still pray to this day for him; I genuinely want him to be healed, to ask forgiveness from God, and to be better.

I was originally going to end this with a verse from the Bible. But I am choosing not to because I had so many verses thrown at me, some well-intentioned and some not, while I was recovering, and it mucked things up at times.

I simply just needed someone to listen as I worked through the years of abuse, what it did to me physically, and how it changed me mentally. I had to work on that first before I came to my point of learning how to forgive.

All those unnecessary verses being thrown at me made me feel like something was wrong with me because I wasn’t “progressing” at someone else's presumed pace. And I won’t be a part of doing that to someone here.

Healing is a personal journey between you and God.

All I ask is that you not give up.

© Jane Isley

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