Unexpected 24 Hours
Sadness and Gratefulness in One Day..
It was a last-minute decision and only 2 and ½ hours away to visit my oldest sister I’ll call “Cindy”. I knew it would be stressful and heart-wrenching, as she had just been moved to assisted living. We were leaving for Playa del Carmen the following week. I had much to prepare and had just finished facilitating a workshop. I could fit this in, no problem.
I never imagined my sister not living in her home she dearly loved but with so many visits to the ER, it just was not manageable anymore. This was my first visit to her “new home.”
The home was nice enough with only five residents but at least two were twenty years older than Cindy. Cindy can no longer get out of bed unassisted. She is not the sister I’ve known all my life, the sister that taught me how to swim, the one I always looked up to. In her “past life” she lived a vibrant, adventurous, life, a rebel who grew up in the freewheeling 60s We have many fond memories to draw on from roller skating around a lake to concerts to travel to various shared activities such as cooking and gardening and a few other things I won’t mention here!
She is a different woman now, in and out, a bit confused, fearful and a bit paranoid. As I visited, I witnessed small moments that I could see my sister “in there.” I held her hands and gave her Reiki. After I let go, she said “my Reiki queen.”
As I write this, a wave of sadness overtakes me. I did not realize what I’ve been holding in as it has been so surreal. It is so difficult to wrap my head around the fact that she will not be getting better. Her heart and other areas of her body are failing, and surgery is out of the question. it is time to quit going back and forth to the hospital. A hospice nurse is coming in to care for her and keep her comfortable. We don’t know how long much longer she will be with us but we will cherish whatever time is left..
The “upside” of this quick trip was spending the night with my niece. We generally do not get time to ourselves and were able to enjoy dinner out, conversation on many different topics and a walk.
My sister had a couple of activities the next day. I decided not to return as she becomes overwhelmed easily now and to be truthful, I was ready to head home.
I left in plenty of time to hopefully miss the crazy freeway traffic and the darkness.
Unfortunately, I was on a stretch of the freeway that seemed very rough and choppy. Suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere, a piece of metal came hurling at me at full speed. I had little time to react and luckily it didn’t hit my windshield but did hit my front rear tire. I heard and practically “felt” the awful grinding noise.
I was close to the shoulder and pulled off as quickly as possible, climbed over to the passenger side as to avoid getting hit and got out of the car to see the damage. There was no tire left!
Shaking, I texted my insurance company as there was no choice to speak to a human. I kept receiving updates to let me know when someone would be coming to my assistance... in 7-25 minutes, then 50 minutes, then..The sun was starting to go down as well as the temperature. Someone was watching out over me as the phone rang, “Are you the one who’s been on the side of the freeway for over two hours?” “I am so sorry, it’s my day off but I’ll be right there!” My “angel” arrived and put on my donut wheel.
Ok, I’m headed home now. Only 1 hour and forty minutes to go! At this point, I need to calm down and maybe a little caffeine would help. Taking the next exit, I distinctly feel a flat tire! Yes, the rear right tire was flat as a pancake. Since there was no way, I would be arriving home that night, I called the police so I wouldn’t be towed. She drove me to a nearby hotel where I called my husband. He came to my rescue, and a used tire was placed on the rear tire to travel home the next day.
While waiting in the cold, all I could think about was the many times in the travel industry, I had gotten myself out of some pretty precarious situations. Once I had to figure out how to catch up to a group I was escorting from the Canary Islands on a cruise ship.
I could do this, I could handle this car mishap, step by step. The next day I believe the “trauma” caught up a bit.
I feel immensely grateful to be writing this and unharmed. And boy, am I ready to lounge on the beach and stare at that turquoise water!
After writing this, I was led to Andi Luna Rosendahl and her post on “A Year of Detours, Strength, and the Unexpected.” The courage is unmistakable and inspiring..
A Year of Detours, Strength, And The Unexpected
If I had to describe this year, I would say it was both hard and beautiful. Sometimes at the same time.
We always "hold it all in" until a breaking point occurs. Powerful reminder that we are stronger than our worst-case scenarios. Thank you for sharing, Suzie! :)
P.S: You have more than earned that turquoise water in Playa del Carmen!
This is deeply moving, and the drive home reads like a reflection of your inner state: holding it together, problem-solving, pushing through, until the body finally says enough. It makes complete sense that the trauma surfaced the next day.
Wishing you softness as you continue to process all that your heart and body have been carrying.
Now go and enjoy that turquoise water!