This is so relatable! I do the same thing—rehearsing a conversation in my head—and it never, ever goes they way I except. I think your conclusion is spot on. Understanding your role and being willing to accept whatever happens is indeed the path to healing.
I feel you so much on this one, Diana, having those conversations in your head and being afraid of the other's reaction, simply because you cannot control it. I cannot tell you how frequently I rehearse difficult conversations in my head. I tend to drive myself crazy...
I hope the right timing comes soon for both of you. I find many men seem to need to be triggered by something else to see relationship problems. From my experience, they get all defensive if they sense that you are not happy about them. Because of that, they think we (women) are accusing them, making them feeling like having committed a crime, especially in their mind, they've done all the right things. (I hope I don't get “attacked” by guys for having made this generalization.)
How about you give your dad a movie that relates to how you feel about him? Movies tend to trigger feelings in men. 😊 Then, you talk to him about the movie and slide in your feelings about everything.
That would be a gentle way to open up a different kind of conversation. Never thought about it, but makes sense! Especially as he's quite a cinephile. It's definitely something I'll keep in mind. Thank you for always offering such warm wisdom. 🌹
I think this is such a clever thing to do - go through all possible reactions to your words. too many times I have raised topics with family and not been ready for their answers - and then things can escalate and no one comes out by benefiting. <3
This piece should be read by everyone. I think the last deep conversation I had with my father was in my mid twenties after my mother died suddenly. I learned a number of things about him and my mother. It was not the conversation I needed to have. I rehearsed that one many times as you did Diana, but never got the courage to have it. I didn't resolve our relationship until many years after he passed. Forgiving him for his faults, forgiving me for mine and loving him as my father having done the best he could.
This is so relatable! I do the same thing—rehearsing a conversation in my head—and it never, ever goes they way I except. I think your conclusion is spot on. Understanding your role and being willing to accept whatever happens is indeed the path to healing.
Feels like such a hard-won lesson! Thanks for getting it! ❤️
I feel you so much on this one, Diana, having those conversations in your head and being afraid of the other's reaction, simply because you cannot control it. I cannot tell you how frequently I rehearse difficult conversations in my head. I tend to drive myself crazy...
Thank you for your lovely comment, Marie. Comforting to know I'm not alone in driving myself a little crazy sometimes. Much love❤️
I think there are more of "us" than we realize. Much love to you too! ❤️
I hope the right timing comes soon for both of you. I find many men seem to need to be triggered by something else to see relationship problems. From my experience, they get all defensive if they sense that you are not happy about them. Because of that, they think we (women) are accusing them, making them feeling like having committed a crime, especially in their mind, they've done all the right things. (I hope I don't get “attacked” by guys for having made this generalization.)
How about you give your dad a movie that relates to how you feel about him? Movies tend to trigger feelings in men. 😊 Then, you talk to him about the movie and slide in your feelings about everything.
Much love to you.❤️🌹
That would be a gentle way to open up a different kind of conversation. Never thought about it, but makes sense! Especially as he's quite a cinephile. It's definitely something I'll keep in mind. Thank you for always offering such warm wisdom. 🌹
I think this is such a clever thing to do - go through all possible reactions to your words. too many times I have raised topics with family and not been ready for their answers - and then things can escalate and no one comes out by benefiting. <3
It's tough. Preparing really does make a difference for everyone involved. ❤️
You got this when the time is right
Ute, thank you. The timing is important indeed. ❤️
This piece should be read by everyone. I think the last deep conversation I had with my father was in my mid twenties after my mother died suddenly. I learned a number of things about him and my mother. It was not the conversation I needed to have. I rehearsed that one many times as you did Diana, but never got the courage to have it. I didn't resolve our relationship until many years after he passed. Forgiving him for his faults, forgiving me for mine and loving him as my father having done the best he could.
This resonates so much with what I was trying to express. Thank you for your vulnerability. ❤️
I hope scenario one works for you someday. Still, many people are just plain unreceptive to any personal conversations, esp if it involves them.
My mother was one such person. We never had a good relationship and now she's gone. That's when I finally found peace.
Peace arrives in its own unique way. It's valid to find it where you can. Thank you for your comment, Dianne. ❤️