When Silence Says Everything: A Story of Passive-Aggression, Control, and Grace
Sometimes forgiveness is letting go of those who were never holding onto you
There’s a certain type of silence that’s louder than any scream.
It’s not the peaceful kind—the one that comes after healing or closure. It’s the silence that follows gaslighting, after manipulation dressed as kindness, after someone uses faith, family, or friendship as a weapon.
I experienced that silence recently.
It started over a laptop.
A simple object, lent and used based on mutual understanding.
I was told to keep using it, to protect my own-touchscreen-broken-one that was fragile. That a gentle gust of wind could easily break further.
I took the insisted offered to use her additional one in good faith.
Only to be met weeks later with a passive-aggressive demand for payment within a specific timeline, and layered voice notes riddled with belittling remarks.
I repaid the $50 because peace was more important to me than pride.
Still, her tone got sharper the more I explained why I took it with me.
I repeated her words verbatim back to her, “…use it; I don't use it. I have my Chromebook and your laptop is broken.”
The replies that followed became laced with moral superiority, “I don't care to understand what you were thinking. It's my laptop, whether I was using it or not. Or that I bought it from you. I bought it fair and square. It's mine.”
It's funny how perspectives on the same situation can differ from person to person.
The device was sitting unused until I arrived five months later.
I only used it because she gave it to me, not because it was once mine. I was grateful I had it in my time of need.
I couldn't believe she saw it otherwise.
Her reaction brought me back to the lemon incident in the restaurant, the morning shout after asking if she was okay, the gaslighting moments, the times she fussed at me to do her bidding and drop whatever I was doing, the yard sale sabotage and the mountains of passive-aggressive remarks that I endured and forgave.
But my plate could hold no more digs and insults so I spoke up.
After I listed some of these events, the final headshot came when she said, “Please look up the meaning of an apology.”
As if grace is owed in one direction only.
Nonetheless, I chose to own the laptop blunder. Apologized for my error in judgment.
I had ignored the thought of bringing the offer back up and solidifying the terms because I trusted it. I trusted her.
I was finally seeing, she did not mean me well.
Hell, she didn't like me.
She liked what I could do for her when I was at my best.
This was the final straw to an already emotionally abusive visit.
The Tools of Control
Manipulation doesn’t always come with shouting.
Sometimes, it hides in politeness. In guilt-tripping wrapped in smiles.
In selective memory.
In religious righteousness.
It shows up in people who claim to walk in faith but act out of fear and ego. In those who hide behind “truth” but use it to silence, not free.
It shows in how they never apologize for many improper and indecent acts they committed but always expect you to.
Sometimes, the apology given is another manipulative tool to keep the victim subdued.
These aren’t strangers.
These are the people who once prayed with you. Shared rooms with you. Broke bread with you.
They often wear titles like sister, friend, brother, elder, and minister. But their hearts are far from light.
Because if love was truly at the root of their faith, they would seek understanding, not control.
They would listen more than they speak.
They wouldn’t choose strangers over family just because the family has seen the full picture—the unfiltered, unpolished truth they try to hide.
Some people flee to outsiders not because they want connection, but because they want reinvention. Because they know the family sees the rot behind the smile.
The cold heart behind the warm voice.
And that’s the hardest part: realizing they don’t want peace—they want power.
The Church of Control
It hurts more when it comes from someone wrapped in religion.
You expect more from those close to God.
You've seen them quote scriptures, attend meetings, and talk about love and humility.
But you learn the hard way that spiritual affiliation is not the same as spiritual maturity.
Anyone can speak of God. But not everyone walks with Him.
I’ve seen it time and again—in churches, among Jehovah’s Witnesses, Catholics, Anglicans and in various religious circles where image replaces integrity.
Where humility is just a word in a talk, not a practice in real life.
Where the most envious hearts hide behind the loudest prayers.
So I’ve learned to stop arguing. To stop proving my point. To stop responding to messages that come from a place of ego, not love.
No explanation will ever be enough for someone committed to misunderstanding you.
Grace Isn't Weakness
Some will read this and say, “You should forgive.”
I agree, and I do.
But forgiveness doesn’t mean entertaining disrespect.
It doesn’t mean pretending manipulation didn’t happen.
It means I release the need for revenge, for validation, for closure. I give grace. But I also give space.
And sometimes, space is the only sermon they’ll understand.
Let this be a reminder to anyone who's felt belittled, manipulated, or emotionally managed by someone who claimed to care:
You are not crazy.
You are not overreacting.
And you do not owe anyone your silence when the truth is begging to breathe.
Speak. Heal. Move on.
Even if they never take accountability.
My solution was to make the payment, apologize, and clearly set boundaries of no return. I left her last message unread and that silence was my reply.
Unsilenced & Unleashed: The Course
If this resonates, and you're at the edge of your own awakening—where silence is no longer peace, and respect no longer means being walked over then Unsilenced & Unleashed is for you.
This course is for those who are finally ready to reclaim their voice, not out of vengeance, but out of reverence.
Reverence for yourself.
Those are ready to sever ties with family or friends who mask disdain, jealousy, or hate as "concern" or "support."
I created this course for those who want to stand firm in the truth that someone helping you when you were down does not give them the right to trample your self-worth.
You learn to understand that being respectful and grateful does not mean being silenced or mishandled.
This is soul work for those who are done shrinking themselves just to keep the peace.
You’re not here to be tolerated. You're here to thrive.
Come as you are. Leave as who you were always meant to be.
Until next time. Keep working towards your dreams.
You may also like this story by
I grew up with a passive aggressive father. It was very painful & powerful. It is the most hurtful weapon I know.
I, too wrote about a very hurtful friendship.
Stand in your power & listen to your heart which you did.
This was an incredible read and something that a lot of readers probably need to hear. I was married to a narcissist for 18 years. I know this quiet manipulation all too well.
Since our divorce, he has reclaimed his faith and I have had a hard time believing that his intent in doing so is because of the goodness in his heart… I have always believed your words that I quote below and find much hypocrisy in organized religions…
“Anyone can speak of God. But not everyone walks with Him.”
You’re doing a great thing here 🖤